Dogs and Women

Why dogs are better than Women

Dogs don't cry.
Dogs love it when your friends come over.
Dogs don't care if you use their shampoo.
Dogs think you sing great.
A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.
Dogs don't expect a call when you are running late and the later you are the more excited dogs are to see you.
Dogs forgive you for playing with other dogs.
Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dogs name.
Dogs are excited by rough play.
Dogs don't care if you give their offspring away.
Dogs understand that farts are funny.
Dogs appreciate excessive body hair.
ANYONE can get a good looking dog.
If a dog is gorgeous other dogs don't hate it.
Dogs don't shop.
Dogs like it when you leave lots of stuff on the floor.
A dog's disposition stays the same all month.
Dogs don't need to examine the relationship.
A dog's parents never visit.
Dogs love long car trips.
Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking directions.
Dogs understand that all animals smaller than dogs are to be hunted.
When a dog gets old and starts to snap incessantly at you you can shoot it
Dogs like beer.
Dogs don't hate their bodies.
Dogs don't care if your belly hangs over your belt.
Dogs don't buy Kenny G. albums.
No dog ever put on a hundred pounds after reaching adulthood.
Dogs don't criticize.
Dogs agree that one must raise one's voice to get a point across.
Dogs don't expect gifts.
It's legal to keep a dog chained at your house
Dogs don't worry about germs.
Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you've had.
Dogs do their snooping outside rather than in your wallet, sock drawer, desk.
Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.
Dogs would rather have leftovers than lobster.
You never have to wait for a dog, they are always ready.
Dogs have no use for flowers, cards, or jewelry.
Dogs don't borrow shirts.
Dogs never want foot rubs.
Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public.
Dogs find you amusing when you are drunk.
Dogs can't talk.
Dogs aren't catty.
A dog seldom outlives you.
When you and a dog separate the dog wants no money.

How Dogs and Women are alike

Both look stupid in hats.
Both can eat 5 pounds of chocolate in one sitting.
Both tend to have hip problems.
Neither understands football.
Both look good in a fur coat.
Both are good at pretending that they are listening to every word you speak.
Neither believe that silence is golden.
Both constantly want back rubs.
Neither can balance a check book.
You can never tell what either is thinking.
Both put too much value on kissing.

How Women are better than Dogs

It is socially acceptable to have sexual relations with a woman.
Women look good in sweaters.
Women leave the room to fart.

Last modified November 23, 2001
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